[Wash feels a brief pang of guilt over the distrust. Where did that come from? He wouldn't have felt that a few months ago. At least in relative time, that corresponds to what he last remembers of home. Apparently, though, according to Tucker, he got a whole lot more trusting in the time he forgot. Sounds fake, but...maybe less fake, as time goes on.]
[But talking to Tucker causes a strange gush of emotion he doesn't have control over. His own feelings, whatever part of his brain that still remembers his recent life, is trying to tell him to trust him. It keeps saying "friend who would die for you."]
[Whatever he built with those Sim Troopers - and apparently Carolina (which also sounds fake??). Is something he never got to rebuild with his other old friends.]
[They died before he ever had the chance. The dying means maybe they would have if they'd gotten to meet again, maybe if Wash could extricate himself from the nightmare that was his life. But since they did die, it means there's no reassuring, subconscious feeling countering his paranoia.]
[Wash is quiet for a moment. And notes that York hasn't turned it around on him. He hasn't gone for instant distrust, accusing Wash of trying to sneak up and get the best of him. It does earn him some good will.]
[It earns him honesty. Wash keeps watch as York does his occasional whispering, still keeping sight of him in his peripheral.]
I didn't think Maine or South would try to kill me, either.
But Maine tried to kill me just like he -
[Fuck, he doesn't know how or when to drop the "ps you're dead, but I'll try to help you fix that." Not now, not while they're trying to fix something.]
- Just like he killed quite a few agents.
And when I tried to cover South so she could get to a ship and get Delta back to base before Maine stole him, she shot me in the back after I'd taken two steps.
[The way he says it all is...alarmingly hollow and matter of fact. Like "old friends might randomly try to kill you, such is life."]
And that's not even getting into everything the Director did.
So you'll forgive me if I'm a little slow to trust someone I haven't had contact with for a while.
[Yes, he'd been closer to North and York (because South was a miserable bitch even before the program imploded). But who's to say they care about that friendship. That they haven't changed. That the good will won't run dry the second their own necks are at risk.]
[People don't look out for him. Fact. Survival is a perfectly understandable reason for that but there will be things to survive in this world, too.]
no subject
[But talking to Tucker causes a strange gush of emotion he doesn't have control over. His own feelings, whatever part of his brain that still remembers his recent life, is trying to tell him to trust him. It keeps saying "friend who would die for you."]
[Whatever he built with those Sim Troopers - and apparently Carolina (which also sounds fake??). Is something he never got to rebuild with his other old friends.]
[They died before he ever had the chance. The dying means maybe they would have if they'd gotten to meet again, maybe if Wash could extricate himself from the nightmare that was his life. But since they did die, it means there's no reassuring, subconscious feeling countering his paranoia.]
[Wash is quiet for a moment. And notes that York hasn't turned it around on him. He hasn't gone for instant distrust, accusing Wash of trying to sneak up and get the best of him. It does earn him some good will.]
[It earns him honesty. Wash keeps watch as York does his occasional whispering, still keeping sight of him in his peripheral.]
I didn't think Maine or South would try to kill me, either.
But Maine tried to kill me just like he -
[Fuck, he doesn't know how or when to drop the "ps you're dead, but I'll try to help you fix that." Not now, not while they're trying to fix something.]
- Just like he killed quite a few agents.
And when I tried to cover South so she could get to a ship and get Delta back to base before Maine stole him, she shot me in the back after I'd taken two steps.
[The way he says it all is...alarmingly hollow and matter of fact. Like "old friends might randomly try to kill you, such is life."]
And that's not even getting into everything the Director did.
So you'll forgive me if I'm a little slow to trust someone I haven't had contact with for a while.
[Yes, he'd been closer to North and York (because South was a miserable bitch even before the program imploded). But who's to say they care about that friendship. That they haven't changed. That the good will won't run dry the second their own necks are at risk.]
[People don't look out for him. Fact. Survival is a perfectly understandable reason for that but there will be things to survive in this world, too.]